A turn for the Good? or undecided?

Wow. A lot has happened in the last couple days. Well, Bryan messaged me on Monday saying that he had a bad dream. I asked him about it and he said that he dreamed that he and I were living together and I came home late one night drunk saying that I was horny because I had been fooling around with one of my guy friends. I asked him if he was feeling like he was losing me and that sparked a whole conversation. He mentioned that he never wanted to break up but felt that that is what he had to do to get me out of my childish mentality. There was more to it but I would like to keep that between us. Needless to say he had told a female coworker that I used to be puddy in his hands, head over heels for him and he just threw me out like yesterday's trash. Then he asked what he could do make me come back around since he has me by a tearing thread. I thought that was unlike him to say such things considering he doesn't like to talk about how he feels. But kinda sweet in a weird way.

He has been trying. I told him I need to see the effort and that he REALLY wants to be back with me. He told me he loves me for the first time yesterday since I left in January. I held off saying it to him till the evening. I do love him, but with the things he said to me and did to me I am not sure if I should be upset or not. When I said I didn't want to get hurt again he said we can just leave it open, he will visit me, and I will visit him and we will see where it goes.

I am scared. I want to be back with him but he is SO STUBBORN. He doesn't realize that there are times when all i want to do is spend time with him. He talks about not watching chick flicks with me and all that stuff. I donno. I am holding him at an arms distance right now. I really have to better myself before I worry about another person again. I am glad that he is giving me the space to make the decision as well as see where things go. This isn't the first time he has done this. His patience in that area amazes me.

Needless to say, I feel confused at times and have been a mix of emotions lately. I have been feeling like I was lied to and wanted to cry to extremely happy and giddy. I can definitely tell that my feelings for him are not gone. They have dampened a bit and he needs to work to dry them. But it feels so good to hear the words "I love you" come from his mouth again.

Ok well I am going to watch some Shaytards and then head to bed.
Good night