I wish that I could set a goal and stick to it for ONCE!! I wanted to be able to write in here each day and tell about what is going on in my life....so far....I have failed at this like I have failed at diary writing, numerous diets, various projects that had to be a day-by-day thing. I don't know why I get so discouraged and unmotivated. The one thing I am afraid of doing is something I seem to do on a regular basis without realizing it.
I am afraid of failure.
Good Job Sorina!! You manage to fail regularly....
I don't know what is wrong with me....the only thing i seem to stay motived with is going to school and even that is a pain sometimes....
I think a lot of my unhappiness comes with the job I have. I am sick and tired of being harassed by my boss and not getting some appreciation. She finds the littlest thing to start nagging you on and then she WON"T SHUT UP about it. She just keeps going and going...almost like she is pushing you to say or do something that can get you written up, suspended or fired. That isn't fair...
Ok well now that I have my laptop up and running again (adequately, not fast....but it'll do for now) I can sit in bed comfortably and watch my Shaytards on YouTube and blog!
This is short, I am currently on Spring Break so there isn't a lot going on other than my crappy job.
Until tomorrow (i hope)
~Rina
I have so many thoughts that I want to put down. I have been keeping notes about them in my phone as not to forget, I just want to clear my mind right now and study for my test. Mind clearing consists of Glee, reading and bundling up. Blogging all my thoughts is going to have to wait till tomorrow night. I have a ton to say, just don't have the time to say it now. I am a busy busy bee tomorrow. Calc test, babysitting, tutoring, cut stuff out for work, movie night with Crysta. My poor Crysta! She tore a tendon in her hip and is on crutches. So i am going to take care of her! More tomorrow night
I love my family members, but sometimes, they need to grow up and stop letting drama get in the way of loving each other.
I get to our little family reunion to find out that one of my aunts and one of my cousins are no longer speaking to each other. Honestly, the whole silent treatment is a little elementary in my opinion. I mean, yes, we all have tempers and we are all extremely stubborn but should we really let this get in the way of us loving each other and enjoying each others' presence? Apparently to that one cousin and that one aunt, it is something to let get in the way. I thought family is there for each other to love and accept, not slander one for looking too skinny and sick or to bash one another and then to delete and block each other on facebook. I seriously feel like all of this is blow WAY out of proportion and they all need to GROW UP and take responsibility for their actions and ther words and learn to say SORRY!
I haven't seen my family members since Thanksgiving because I was in Louisiana for Christmas when everyone was over. I was really looking forward to seeing my family, all my cousins and all, and getting time to visit with them and see how things are going. However, I find myself in the same situation as always, feeling like I don't belong. My cousin Elizabeth and I haven't ever really been close, she is 6 years older than me, so I completely understand why I'm not included in her conversations, but she has a one year old beauty named Brooklyn. Brooklyn is my cousin but I have only seen her in person twice since she was born. How can I call this little child a part of my family when I feel like she isn't? When I talk about her all I say is "My cousin's baby" I never say "my cousin". I feel as though this is because I don't really associate her in the same category as my cousin Elizabeth, her mother. Then there is Stefanie. She is a year older than me. We were really close when we were younger but as soon as she started middle school, she was more about the boys than spending time with me. She hangs a lot with her fiance and her sister and her brother in law as well as my cousin Leonard and his new girlfriend Jessica. They are such a tight knit group, i feel as though not only would I be imposing if I were to sit at their table with them, but I also would just be an awkward fit. My cousin Rebecca has her boyfriend Devin, who is beginning to grow on me though there is still just something about him that I'm not crazy for. Lina brought 2 of her friends, I don't think I really had the change to say much to her. Then there is Tatiana and Vienna, the babies of the first cousins. I got a chance to talk to them but I mean, they are 12 and 8. I need someone to spend time with in my family who is closer to my age. Around the time we ate, I felt a little better, but still outside the loop.
Even after my busy and tiring day along with the feel of isolation, it was a good day. Was nice to see my family and have some wonderful Romanian food and celebrate the fact that my family has been in the United States for 30 years now. God is amazing. If He didn't lead my Tatia (grandpa in Romanian) to move to the States, I would never have been born.
Thank you Lord for a strong, growing family.
~Sorina
I haven't been on here in a while and I feel terrible! I really should write on here more often in order to organize my thoughts and to get them out of my head or else they are just floating around in there and driving me CRAZY!!
Work:
Work is....well it's not going as smoothly as I want. Tired of my boss getting on my case and being totally mean about the things she says to me. When she gets mad about something, she starts bringing up things that you or other people have done in the past and I don't think that is fighting fairly. It definitely isn't fighting maturely. When you have not only the Assistant Manager but other coworkers claim they are scared of her, then you know there is a problem. I already left a store because of the way the manager treats her employees, I am to the point where i would go back to that old manager than to deal with the verbal abuse from the one I have now. She has known me since I was 18. She knows very well that yelling at me is NOT the way to get me to move. I am all for getting corrected, but not yelled at and blamed for things going on in the store that are out of my control. I just don't like how she gets in my face and just keeps laying it on and laying it on. She doesn't stop. Most people who have a problem with something you do gets it off their chest and then moves on, but she just KEEPS. GOING! She pushes me to almost breaking point. If i do break, there is no doubt my mouth would spew words out so fast that I would be fired in the blink of an eye. I try to help ease her stress when she is in a bad mood but those attempts seem to go unnoticed.
School:
So far things are going great at school. I started on January 27th. I only have 3 classes, 6 units. I have Calculus 2, Calculus 2 Lab, and Symphony Band. After this semester I should be able to get back to a full time schedule and be well on my way to getting finished. I am looking at about 3 more years then one year to get my credential. I can't wait! I am ready to be a teacher! I am ready to get my career going and my life started.
Home:
Things at home are actually going quite well. Dad took Kali and me shooting last Friday. It was fun and it was nice to spend time with dad. We don't usually get to do that all too often. I got Koda declawed. It was hard to see him so sad to have the cone collar on, but now that it is off, he is so much more happier and relaxed. He can actually sleep comfortably and eat! He still walks funny, but I think that is because it feels funny. He will get more used to it as time goes on. Grandpa has been doing well. He will be 90 years old in less than 6 months. It's crazy! He has been blessed with such a long life and steady health so far. We ask that God allows him to be as healthy for longer. We are planning a trip to Disneyland for his 90th birthday with my family and my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. It's going to be fun! I can't wait. I haven't been to Disneyland since my senior year of high school.
Those are the 3 things that are carrying the most weight on my shoulders right now. Church is also a major aspect of my life but things really haven't changed there. I am still playing the flute for worship and I am still learning more about God's Glory and Mercy. As I have said in the past, I would really like to write on here more. I think getting back to the good part of my day, bad part of my day and how I overcame it is a good thing to start up again. It helped me to analyze the events that are going on in my life. I have a feeling there will be more about my boss and her abusive words towards me. I swear, she is going to force me to record everything she says to me if she keeps this up.
So tomorrow is my Calculus Final. Because I worked from 12:30-8 today, i really feel like just being lazy. I should be studying and i have my final at 8:30 in the morning but still...ugh....i don't feel like studying! I need to and I need to get to bed! Well i'm going to do this thing i stole from Jessica....i donno where she gets them but thanks.
1. What do you add to your coffee? Lots of Creamer and sugar....i just like a LITTLE of the coffee taste...like starbucks 2. What are you reading now? The Boy Next Door by Meg Cabot 3. Do you own a gun? Not personally but my family has one....a few actually 4. Are you registered to vote? Unfortunately.....it was an accident....but i guess i can let my opinion and voice be heard....whether or not my votes matter 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not usually...i used to 6. What do you think of hot dogs? i like them with ketchup and a little mustard and caramelized onions!! 7. Favorite Christmas Song? All I Want For Christmas Is You!! and one by Paul McCartney that i can't remember 8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water 9. Can you do push ups? Yes.... 10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Matt Ziehm 11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery? My silver heart necklace my boyfriend got me on Valentines after we had been together for a year 12. Favorite hobby? Reading...i love to read!! 13. Do you work with people who idolize you? no 14. Do you have ADD? No. 15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? When i get cranky, EVERYONE knows 16. What’s your middle name? Renee 17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I can pass my Calc Final, I don't want to study for my Calc final, I must study in order to pass! 18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. McDonalds and paper cut outs for work 19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Water, Diet Pepsi....that's it 20. Current worry right now? Passing my Calc Final and getting a 60% or higher on my Computer Programming class! FREAK OUT! *breathe* I can do this! The counselor said I can pass! I can! 21. What side do you dress to? i don't get it 22. Favorite place to be? Right now I would have to say, in the arms of my boyfriend 23. How did you bring in the New Year? Last year.....kissing Bryan and being surrounded by family and church friends 24. Where would you like to go? Move? Missouri or Washington....most likely the latter 25. Name three people who will see today. Melissa, Matt, Cristina
So I found this on my friend's Jessica's blog and I decided to steal it. I haven't written on here in a bit and with things that happened this week...I would like to just do something fun....then MAYBE get into some deeper stuff later.
1. The latest book or movie that made you cry? Hmm....Well I have been such a sap lately....I can't exactly remember the LAST movie that made me cry. Um....hmm...this is hard...yea i donno. 2. The fictional character most like you? There is this character written by Meg Cabot in this book called Queen of BabbleLOL Lizzie Nichols.....she is known for talking and sometimes it just gets her into trouble. 3. The greatest album, ever? Feels Like Today by Rascal Flatts 4. Star Trek or Star Wars? Why? Star Wars ... because I've only seen 1, 2, 3, and 4.....I need to watch 5 and 6....but i don't really know enough about Star Trek to like it...the movie was good tho 5. Your ideal brain food? the worst possibly stuff for me, pizza, chips, cookies, fries....it's terrible! 6. Everyone is proud of a certain accomplishment, which one for you? Hmm, finally being able to stand up for myself and tell those people who have been hurting me how I feel and finally being able to let go... 7. You want to be remembered for ...? my goofiness, my compassion, my love for everyone, my acceptance....my loud outgoing and friendly personality. 8. Let's talk about recording artists. Who do you find the most inspirational? I just have a huge respect for Rascal Flatts, not only are they one of my favorite bands, but they aren't afraid to reach out and touch people. They sing about God, hardships both in cancer and deaths of loved ones. They have a way of saying what we, who are hurting, cannot. 9. The creative masterpiece you wish bore your signature? The Venetian in Las Vegas, it's beautiful and makes a TON of money daily 10. Your hidden talents . . .? hmm, i am a very outgoing and loud person...i'm sure that any talents i possess, my friend's already know about them 11. The best piece of advice you actually followed? My freshman year of Marching Band was the WORST!! My dad pulled me aside at one of the practices where I was in tear and told me to stick with it because I'll regret it if I quit and this is something that I will enjoy and cherish in the future. He was right and because I did marching band all 4 years, I truly knew what hard work was and that when u work hard enough for something, you will be rewarded. I also have learned commitment to what I am doing. I just wish other people had been in Marching Band in order to learn that lesson too. 12. The best thing you ever bought, stole, or borrowed? Oh man....i have NO idea. So far I am thinking that this awesome desk that I searched all over Craigs List for is the best thing so far. It holds everything I need it to and more. 13. What are the most comfortable clothes that you wear? I really like being in my pajamas. A big t-shirt and pajama pants, I feel the most comfortable and at ease when wearing them 14. Your dinner guest at the Ritz would be? Ritz? 15. Time travel: where, when and why? Hmm, during the time of Anastacia Romanov.....or since I have been obsessed with the Renaissance stuff, during the time of Kind Henry Tudor :-P 16. Stress management: hit man, spa vacation or Prozac? I deal with stress by completely ignoring whatever it is that is bothering me. 17. Essential to life: coffee, vodka, cigarettes, chocolate, or . . .? chocolate and water 18. Environment of choice: city or country, and where on the map? I would like a smaller town, a lot like Oakdale where the whole town comes out to see the football games and almost everyone knows everyone, but i don't want to be in California. Maybe in Missouri or Texas, or Washington 19. What do you want to say to the leader of your country? Encourage California to stop taking money away from schools! Or do something on the national level so that California can't continue what it's doing to education! (took this from jessica, I want to add to it) You want us to have an education but you aren't giving us the chance to be able to pay it without being in debt our whole lives. By letting California continue with what it's doing, you are allowing California to become a dumb, broke state rather than the thriving economic boom that it has the potential of being. 20. Last but certainly not least, what are you working on, now?Well I have 3 finals this week and a full week of work. not much more I'm working on.
Way too many things have been going on for me to get the chance to get on here and blog. I wish i had a cool phone that would allow me to blog all my thoughts as they were happening. I think I should carry around a notebook or something so that as the thought is occurring I can make notes in order to remind myself what to write when I get in front of the computer.
I'm not going to follow my original format tonight. I have too many things floating around in my head that I can't contain it to that usual format. I'll have to go back to that format tomorrow. I WILL be blogging tomorrow! I'll make myself a note.
Bryan: As the time is getting closer to when I get to go see him, I find myself becoming more and more impatient. I have given myself something to do almost every week until i get to see him. Nov 14-20: Harry Potter Premiere, Nov. 21-27: House sitting/babysitting/ Thanksgiving, Nov 28-Dec 4: Amanda's Bachelorette Party, Dec 5-11 Amanda and Robert's wedding/ Last day of classes, Dec. 12-18: Finals and then I get to leave on Dec. 20!!! Hard to believe it's only like 42 more days till i get to be with him when i have SO much to do!!! I like keeping myself busy in order to not give my time to break down at how long i still have to wait.
Work: I got promoted to Crew Leader, as I said on Facebook, I never knew that being promoted would come with being yelled at and reprimanded SO MUCH!! I would have just asked to stay a Crew member. I mean, you would think that if she found me good enough she wouldn't have to yell at me so much. I don't get it. I was promoted to Crew Leader, not Assistant Manager. It is almost like she is expecting me to be able to Assistant Manager. I am sorry but I don't even want Shift Supervisor for Round Table, do you really think I would want to be ASSISTANT?! Hell no! I don't react well to being yelled at. I shut down. Not only does she yell at me but she contradicts herself SO MUCH. One minute she will tell me one thing and the next she is telling me something completely different. She will point out everything I am doing wrong and how slow I am and how during the time it took me to do one thing, it would take another person to do 5 things and how I complain about everything and how I give attitude when asked to do something, yet when the Managers from Corporate are coming in the store, she makes sure that I am scheduled and on the clock so that we can make a good impression. I donno but if putting me down in all the ways that she is is her way of giving me constructive criticism and making me a better worker, but she is SO handling me in the wrong way. You would think that after having known me since i was 18 she would realize that putting me down only makes me prone to making more mistakes when she is around rather than making me a better worker. I shut down....it's terrible. So I have decided that the moment I get back from Louisiana, I will be looking for a job elsewhere. I can't handle her rollercoaster moods anymore. It's confusing the hell out of me and I don't know what to do anymore. When people used to ask me how i liked my work I wouldn't even hesitate to tell them how much i love it and how much I love my manager and my coworkers, but now....i can't even say that anymore. I regret going to work on days I know that my boss is in a bad mood and has been yelling at her management team. It's time to get out and go somewhere I enjoy and preferably is closer to home. I would like to not have to pay $180 or more in gas every month.
School: I am struggling in Computer Programming. None of my study tactics are working. I just want to get a freaking D in the class so I can just move forward and not look back!!! I just need to finish this semester! I Can do it!!!!
OK those are all the thoughts floating in my head for now.
