Cause to Worry

I have always been one to worry about my little sister. Since she used to hang and talk with our old friend Drew and her saying things to him like "you make me want to kill myself" and such, I have always been a bit worried about her. Since knowing things she said to him at age 13, I have been keeping an eye out for her. She doesn't tell me or mom anything....if there is something bothering her, she doesn't tell anyone. She keeps it deep inside herself till she blows up. Whether it be in tears or attitude, but she never says anything to us.

Recently I was in her room and I found a notebook. I am very nosy and snoopy. If you had a little sister who in the past has told someone they make her want to kill herself, you would be worried too! I just keep an eye open to see if there is anything i need to keep an eye out for or to get her help with. Well I found this notebook and without reading it, I glanced thru it to see if there were any words that caught my eye that I should be worried about. I found one entry that talked about Suicide. I am not sure if she was quoting a movie or a song but that got me worried. When I got to the last page of her notebook she was talking about how much she misses her friend Ellie. Ellie is one person I have met that Kali can spill anything and everything to. Kali, in her notebook, talks about how much she feels like she is losing Ellie and that things aren't the same and how lonely she has been.

One thing I learned is that those who really do commit suicide don't tell anyone about it. They don't want any extra attention brought to them other than the strange cry for attention while shutting people out...it doesn't make sense but since Kali doesn't talk to me or mom, I had to talk to Ellie. Ellie expressed her worry to me and said that she is going to try to hang around Kali more this summer because in the fall, she moves to go to Sonoma State. I explained what I saw in the notebook and that I was scared because I didn't want anything to happen to my little sister. Ellie is going to talk to Kali gradually about her keeping journals, but not let her know I was snooping around. The last thing I want to happen is for my sister to not trust me ever again! I understand that is her privacy but I shouldn't have to worry about her like this.

She hasn't been sleeping well, she just seems so upset ALL THE TIME!! I just want her to be full of smiles and to be happy again!

That was on my mind and I needed to get it out before I headed to bed,
Until later
Rina