I AM SO SICK OF THIS!

What kind of friend goes after her best friends' ex boyfriend? What kind of friend, knowing that her best friend cares about this boy so much and STILL goes out with him after talking to him for THREE FREAKING DAYS?!

I am SO SICK of being a second rate friend! I am so sick of being shoved aside...It's like my feelings don't matter! Does she not even care? I finally move on like she told me to and this is what happens? She falls for him instead?! Not only that but 4 days before, he had his arm around me and was holding my hand and hinting he wanted to kiss me and told me he wanted to lose his freaking virginity to me?! What the hell?!?! He played me....played me good and then turns around and says there is NO chance of us ever getting back together and he called me vindictive (meaning revengeful), petty (meaning i am narrow minded) and malicious (meaning i am full of malice). I have never been these things nor will i ever! The only thing that could be the closest to describing me would be petty. But even that is harsh!

Is he so desperate to tear us apart? The thing that hurts me the most is when i told her that he was saying some mean things she said he was telling me the truth. Ow! That is like a slap across the face. If you agree with him about all of those why are you my friend? Those are hateful words. How could you say something like that to me.

The worst part....the WORST PART, is that it is like walking on egg shells with you now! Everything i say is suddenly an "attack" on you! Why can't we just be the way we were, without him....he is ruining EVERYTHING!

It's so sad that I had to have someone say "He wears more masks than at a freaking Masquerade" to finally realize how FAKE he is! He alters his attitude and personality to fit the person who is interested in him! Did i even date the REAL him? I can guarantee that he is just playing you. You are way experienced and he is at the point where he WANTS to lose his virginity, he also now knows that you get crazy flirty and horny when you are drunk. He flat out admitted to me he wants to experience a blow job and losing his virginity.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Who is Stephen Gregory Woods? Definitely not the guy either of us are looking at. He is different with each person he encounters.

I just want our friendship back! I am tired of shedding tears! I am tired of being hurt by people. I am starting to think my only options is to keep moving....and stick with my books. It's safer that way. I just don't see how she could disrespect my feelings in a way that she goes behind my back to date him! I need to find myself some girls who are married....and happily married! Then maybe i won't have to worry about pain....

Why is it that it takes extreme measures to push me over the edge to write all my thoughts and feelings down? When i finally feel like there is no where else to turn, i turn to writing it all down. It feels so good to write things down, i don't know why I avoid it and save it to the last possible option.

On a good note. I got to hang with Anna yesterday, got to talk to Sarah and Jason and today I got to talk to Brad for the first time in YEARS! Poor guy....he also is dealing with a break up.

OK i think i am calming down....I need to dry my tears, wipe my face, put on a, what i hope to be, convincing smile and get ready for work.

Until i get another outburst of frustration. Hopefully it won't take that to get me writing again.
Sorina