Empty MIND!!!

I want to be able to blog about things but not a whole lot has been happening.

I just got back from a handgun training course just outside of Las Vegas called Front Site. That was fun and very informative. We learned how to handle our guns, where to look when we are shooting, fix all types of malfunctions and how to remain safe while using our guns. No one got shot! Thank goodness. They also had lectures about constantly remaining alert and aware and how to talk when you have to use your gun for self defense in order to not be found guilty. It was overall a pretty good training. I hated being out in the sun for almost 8 hours straight....being a redhead, I try to avoid the sun like the plague.

The worst part was the 8 hour drive home while i was feeling SO sick! That was horrible!

Went back to work last night, wasn't too bad. We were super slow when I first got there and I was worried they were going to try to send me home early. Considering I had to ask for Mon-Wed off and Sun....I only work Friday and Saturday with a total of 8 hours for the week. I kinda needed to keep my hours. Luckily, it got a bit busier as the night went on. Wasn't too bad at all!

OK well I need to do something productive today....should i clean my room? My bathroom? do some more laundry? Or just procrastinate like I always do?

Until next time,
Rina

Echooo.....Echoooo

So i really don't think anyone really reads this. Which doesn't bother me very much because, well it's nice to know word won't get out to the people I actually talk about on here.

Work: I freaking hate my job! My boss is so bipolar psycho crazy bitch! She seriously verbally abuses us. I have heard from 3 different coworkers that she has told them on countless occasions "Don't go looking for another job because NO ONE will hire you". Honestly....who is she to say who will or won't get hired?! I think she should just keep her mouth shut and not worry about if they look for another job or not. She throws things when she is angry, she demands respect but doesn't dare dish it... She tells customers that I am good at everything I do but writes me up for something I wasn't guilty of and she wasn't even there to see... She mentions that many employees are talking about me. She claims she has known me since I turned 18 but in all honesty I don't think she has ever truly opened her eyes to see ME and how i react to things. First off don't yell at me....talk to me about something i need to change. Yelling at me makes me even more nervous and I make a whole lot more mistakes that I was making in the first place. Second off, praise me for what I have done and what I am doing. I am fully aware that you can't praise me for everything but I do EVERYTHING for Family Night....I have completely taken that load off your hands. and Third off...i don't react well to you telling me that my coworkers are complaining about me. It makes me more depressed and in a bad mood that my work ethics drop dramatically.

It's my Birthday and I'll cry if I want to.....

It is my FREAKING birthday....

All i feel like doing is crawling into bed and crying my eyes out.

I have never felt this alone before :-(

Boys are stupid!

Can I go back to bed now? I don't want to face this cruel world.

UGH....too sad to sign today.

Thoughts

I have so many thoughts and I need to get them down....but I have no down time till after work today....I WILL write them all down before I go to bed.

Day of Nothing

Today was the most uneventful day anyone could possibly have.

I wasn't scheduled to work. We had people coming from the church for some "meet and greet". So I woke up at 11am (after going to bed at nearly 4am) and wend downstairs. Dad had on some movie called "About a Boy" on. Some British film that had Hugh Grant. It was very interesting. I didn't get to see the whole thing because I was helping around with cleaning the kitchen. It definitely is a movie I am going to have to rent or get on Netflix. Seemed, insightful.

After helping out around the house and people began showing up, I went upstairs, put on some clothes since I was running around in my pajamas, and went down to get some food. We set out a bunch of finger foods. We had hummus, tortilla chips, a platter with salami and cheese, a platter of crackers, a platter with carrots and broccoli, some mini tacos that we put in the oven and meatballs in a cream sauce in the crock pot. Very tasty. After eating there really wasn't any need for me to be downstairs anymore so I went upstairs to read. Well apparently I was tired because I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep until I woke up at 7pm. I ended up sleeping for nearly 4 hours.

Since waking up I haven't really done anything. I played some Counter Strike, went to eat some salami, crackers and cheese and ate a couple cookies that Kali baked. I then came up, played some more Counter Strike and then watched the Suite Life of Zach and Cody: The Movie and then some Ghost Adventures. Now I am here recording the things of my uneventful day....I managed to make it look more interesting because it fit nicely in 2 paragraphs. I think I am going to play some more Counter Strike, watch some Shaytards on YouTube and then take a shower.

Have church in the morning!
Until tomorrow,
Rina

Just another day in....Where is this again?

I never even got the chance to write on here last night.

Every Thursday my church has College Group. We usually meet at 7pm, eat some food, play a game or 2 and then have Bible Study. We used to have close to 30 people coming to College Group and then drama happened and it tore up the group. We now only have about 8-10 who come on a regular basis. I wish I could say that I am one of those members who comes all the time, but I'm not. I don't enjoy the company of the immature new college freshman that go. I like to go when my best friend Crysta goes because then I have someone to talk to and sit with. Last night I managed to get my sister to go and then my friend Dustun wanted to go. I am not going to deprive someone of God so I gave him a ride.

After College Group I took Dustun home and Kali's friend Steven came over to watch a movie. Haha he wanted to watch House Bunny. So I watched it with them and then came upstairs...read and went to bed.

I have been thinking about Bryan more and more lately. I know I have dulled my thoughts and feelings about him but it's hard to push the love I have for him from my mind and my chest. I get so excited when I get to talk to him or get a text....i never thought I could love someone so long even after they rejected me and pushed me away and told me they didn't love me anymore. I don't think it helped talking to his best friend and having him say to me "You guys will get back together! It's predictable" :-/ Bryan flat out said he didn't love me anymore and wanted to just be friends. How on earth is that predictable? I didn't want to have hope of getting back together because if i get rejected again it'll hurt so bad. I don't think my heart can handle being rejected from the love of my life twice. I don't want to cry anymore. I love him so much...and I want the best for him but I can't let myself have hope....

Well, that is all i want to say tonight....
Until tomorrow,
Rina

FAILURE!

I wish that I could set a goal and stick to it for ONCE!! I wanted to be able to write in here each day and tell about what is going on in my life....so far....I have failed at this like I have failed at diary writing, numerous diets, various projects that had to be a day-by-day thing. I don't know why I get so discouraged and unmotivated. The one thing I am afraid of doing is something I seem to do on a regular basis without realizing it.

I am afraid of failure.

Good Job Sorina!! You manage to fail regularly....

I don't know what is wrong with me....the only thing i seem to stay motived with is going to school and even that is a pain sometimes....

I think a lot of my unhappiness comes with the job I have. I am sick and tired of being harassed by my boss and not getting some appreciation. She finds the littlest thing to start nagging you on and then she WON"T SHUT UP about it. She just keeps going and going...almost like she is pushing you to say or do something that can get you written up, suspended or fired. That isn't fair...

Ok well now that I have my laptop up and running again (adequately, not fast....but it'll do for now) I can sit in bed comfortably and watch my Shaytards on YouTube and blog!

This is short, I am currently on Spring Break so there isn't a lot going on other than my crappy job.
Until tomorrow (i hope)
~Rina